What is to truly learn from an experience

I am now writing a weekly blog about what is to learn in life and what is it that we can learn from life. Funny enough I came to notice something: On the process I’m also learning to learn. Not to mention that there are many people that don’t even know they can learn from whatever circumstances they are going through! This makes people not capable of recognizing that life doesn’t happen TO us but FOR us in every way every day.

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Let’s take this slowly. How do we learn in life? Easy right? Through experiences. We live something that gives us a lesson, we carve it in our hearts and minds forever and then we consider ourselves ready to go for the rest of our lives knowing that every time we live something similar we must follow whatever lesson we learned in the past. Couple of non-personal examples:

Once I was riding my car and I didn’t slow down as I hit a bump in the road. Consequently, I got a flat tire. From that moment on I learned that every time I find a bump in the road I better slowdown or avoid it or else I will get a flat tire.

Works perfectly! Next example.

I had always been waiting for the love of my life and finally a couple of years ago I found someone with whom I could share the love that I was longing to share. Now after two years of being dating we decided we could no longer be together because he no longer feels as I feel about him. I’ve been heartbroken ever since and I don’t even want to admit it. From that moment on I learned that you can’t trust nobody and that not even time will assure me that someone isn’t going to leave me at any time, even if they promised they loved me.

If you ask me, this perfect learning formula that we’ve used for years isn’t bulletproof. Sometimes it fails and takes us further away from what we want to experience. How do I know that? Because I’ve come to learn that nothing in this world makes sense if we are not looking for expansion of ourselves and of our hearts.

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So how do we know if our little formula is working? If the conclusion that you’ve come to after some experience you’ve lived makes you feel as if you’re contracting rather than expanding, then probably you’re learning something that comes from the hurting eyes of the ego rather than from the eyes of the truth (of God, of Creation, of the Universe or whatever you want to call it).

Inevitably consciously or unconsciously we’ve collected more “wrongly stated learnings” than we would care to admit. These learnings eventually become a frame of reference of how we see life and how we respond to it. Fortunately, we don’t get only one chance to learn something “the right way”. If we didn’t get it the first time, something similar will happen again and again and again until we get it right. Refreshing isn’t it? 😁

This is how I’ve come to find that learning actually works:

  1. A catalyst comes: Something uncomfortable happens TO me. I feel bad about something someone says, doesn’t say, does, doesn’t do or basically anything. Another way of learning something may not involve anyone. For example: I just feel too lonely.
  2. I go through denial. This is just something I can’t change. My circumstances, what happened to me, is just so strong that I can’t do anything about it. I just wish that whatever I experienced (or continually experience) could vanish from my life and never happen again. I start feeling worse about it.
  3. I distract myself from that uncomfortable situation over and over again hoping that ignoring it will make it go away. This may mean: grabbing an addiction of any kind, big or small… Mostly anything can be a way of running away from something.
  4. I finally sit with myself in silence (and by silence I mean silence of the mind). Either I journal, meditate or simply straight up talk to myself out loud. Am I facing a fear or blockage? Or am I just learning to skip a bump on the road while I’m driving my car? I swear, something comes up. Always. Finally I realize this something was happening FOR me (and not TO me) so that I could learn something big that will allow me to continue growing.
  5. I must take action accordingly to whatever is it that I found within myself that needs to change. I act accordingly to whatever learning I was receiving. If I don’t do this I will for sure keep experiencing the same issues over and over again.

And that my friends is how we grow in life.

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We don’t need to go through all of the steps I just mentioned although many times we do it anyways because feelings demand to be felt and we not always know how to feel them properly. The things is, learning how to surrender to what we really need to learn is not easy, but it’s oh so worth it. We are all working on it little by little on our own way even if we don’t want to, so remember: trust, surrender, listen and grow.

Daniela ❥

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